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Quote:
"Hey, I'm learning how to rubber right."
--Enda (reading Maxim)
Site News ...sniff...
| CTF Forums | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Ah, finals, the time of year when all students are just flooded with free time, and have nothing to do but eat, sleep, drink and fuck. Finals are a wonderful, magical and glorious time, which we should all embrace with open arms. (Maybe by this point you've guessed that the first final I'm actually worried about falls on the 17th, which is more than a week away.)
So, with all my extra time, I setup CTF Forums, where you can really discuss anything; however, I am safely presuming already that it will devolve into speculations and counter-speculations about which drugs I'm on, how long it's been since I've showered, and how crappy these forums are. I'll even start you out with a topic for the general discussion: what should I do for CTF.net's second birthday?. Perhaps you can discuss the cereal battles, too. Whatever, I don't care.
[takes a swig of Robitussin]
| 10,000 Hits | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Hell, yeah! November (which, at the time of writing, still has 19 hours left in it) is far-and-away the busiest month in CTF history. November's 10882 hits (so far) easily eclipses August-2002's 6747. This is fucking great, I can't even tell you how good it feels; and not only is the site getting thousands more hits than usual, I'm also a porn king.
Why, you ask?
porn.php, the frontend for Skimmer2, my porn search engine, is getting almost 3/4ths of the hits. People are suddenly linking to Skimmer from all over the place, which is cool, because I put a shitload of work into it, and it seems more worthwhile when others frequently use it. Since the site won't get Slashdotted unless I write something coherent, the best I can hope for is getting Farked. -sigh-, maybe one day.
| The Bears Win! | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Finally, a victory against Stanfurd for the wonderful, glorious, and amazing Golden Bears. I don't even know what to say, so I'll leave it to the experts: Daily Cal's Game Summary, Post-Game Riot Summary, and Misc. Game Photos. SFGate also has a good article on the game, titled The Big Maim. Hey, look, it's Pradeep!
| c7f.net | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
You know it, I know it, and thousands of people who visit every month are painfully aware: codythefreak.net is too long, and sucks to type. Thus, now I offer an alternative: c7f.net, it works just like codythefreak.net, and you won't notice any other differences, besides the nine characters that you don't have to type.
CTF Webmasters: I encourage you to take advantage of the anonymity of this shortened URL, especially for those of you who don't actually want to associate with me in public. So, for example, now you can start giving out the address angie.c7f.net, biggreg.c7f.net, or torikyn.c7f.net.
Now, I should answer some questions:
Q: What the fuck? c7f.net? What's with the seven?
A: Obviously, you're not an l337 4aX0r like me... The 7 stands for T, n008.
Q: Ha! ctf.net wasn't available, was it?
A: Actually, it is for sale, but I don't have $12,000. You don't have $12,000, do you? Because that would be great.
Q: Even if I did, shouldn't you have that surgery first? The doctor said it would probably add 20 years to your life.
A: Nuts to that. Only the good die young! ... [coughs up unidentifiable red object]
Q: What is that?
A: I think it's a piece of intestine.
Well, there you have it. I hope that answers all of your questions. Now visit c7f.net.
| New Banners, Finally | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Thanks to Vicky for two new banners (actually three, but I'm saving one for a special occasion), which are the first new banners since March. The first is a throw back to the good old days of sheep-jokes on the second floor, and the second was is my first seasonal banner.
| This Just In: I'm Made of Money! | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Apparently my status as a student just cries out to the world:
That's right, I'm made of money, and money grows on trees, and I won the fucking lottery last week, so dig in, everyone, there's more than enough of my money to go around.
First, I pay $432.25 for a 45-minute phone call to Moscow (go ahead, try to calculate the $/min), then the city of Berkeley hits me with $200 worth of parking tickets in two months, and then fucking Northwest Airlines jacks up ticket prices by $250 right before I buy my vacation tickets. This, of course, is not to mention that exorbitant prices charged at any business within a mile of campus, and the exorbitant rent charged by so many Berkeley slum lords.
Even worse, some Cal students are scalping Big Game tickets to other Cal Students. Fuck You! Don't rip off your peers! Too much Cal-student-on-Cal-student hating. I swear to god, I'm going to find one of these student-scalpers, and kick the shit out of him.
Gaaaaah!!! I'm not made of fucking money, please have mercy! [Pointing to a man in a suit] Go rip off that guy, he's got tons of money.
| Final Cody's Bitch | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
The trial lasted almost 11 months, but the author of the Cody's Bitch series of anonymous submissions is now safely behind bars (on unrelated charges) and the judge has authorized me to post the final submission in the trilogy. I'm posting this only hesitantly, because it really is fucking disgusting, but I did promise to post whatever the fans sent in. So here it is. Keep 'em coming.
| Booosh!! | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Yes, Big Greg is finally back in business. After a dismal six months of nothingnewness on his website, he's posted a few updates. I'm surprised that he hasn't mentioned the big WWF->WWE change-over. Here's how he puts it:
Well, the Failed Attempts page has been updated as well as the A-Team dictionary. There are also 2 new banners up. In the coming days, the college page will be updated with more recipies as well as the Fun Drunkeness, personal views, and prick-fuck sections.
Congratu-damn-lations, Greg.
On a side note, you probably won't hear from me until near the end of finals. Because, you, know, I'm... uh... studying.
| Night on the Nile | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Acacia's on the news.
You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead--your next stop... a dry frat party.
| Ed To Open Clit-Folding Franchise | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Ed Meng, a local socialite and fellow double-major, has hinted at the nature of his summer project for 2002: clit folding. Meng was quoted as saying, "hey i gotta piss and take a nap and fold clits," before practicing for the American Clitoris Association exam (or "clixam"), which lasts five grueling hours.
Presumably, Meng would set up a chain of clit-folding franchises in and around Berkeley, dedicated to the ancient, and long lost Laotian art. Such businesses usually cater to lonely single or widowed women who prefer the hands of a stranger to autoerotic stimulation. Of course, since clit-folding is illegal in forty eight states, including California, such businesses would front as massage parlors, or supermarkets, much like Andronicos.
Meng would not enjoy a monopoly on clit-folding, though. Sources reveal that Meng's franchise would compete against under-the-table businesses running in the Andronico's sea-food section, in the back room of Yogurt Park, and amateur clit-folders living in nearly every fraternity around campus. Representatives from these fraternities say they encourage Ed, and hope Ed's franchise clit-folding parlors will create job opportunities for many amateur clit-folders.
Good luck, Ed, fold that clit once for me!
| Another Unrealistic Idea | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
This is probably easiest if I just steal a chunk from the article I'm referring to:
Overview: an implementation of a wireless cell phone charger.
Preface
Four-hour continuous chunks of college-classes can grow monotonous, and I usually find myself drifting off and thinking about strange things. Sometimes it's the math problem that was due twenty minutes ago, sometimes it's that redhead in the third row, and sometimes it's techno-gadget stuff that I wish someone would actually build (and then give to me, free of charge).
Lately I've been thinking about wireless-izing everything, and think it sucks that I can talk on my cell phone without wires, but I have to plug it in to charge it.
Idea
You get home, hang up your coat, and put your cell down on the table, and it will automatically charge without you doing anything.
| Greg the Red | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
I don't want to over-foreshadow Greg's newest poem, but I should say that they don't call him Greg the Red for nothing. Usually, most readers won't really get the point of Greg's poems unless they read between the lines; however, thankfully, Greg lays it out in plain English in Honey, You're Sittin' On a Pedestal With a Broken Leg. Please send all complains and hate mail to isuck@closemindedbastard.com.
Also, many have complained that I don't update the site that often. In response, I promise to add another story in no less than three days. If I fail, feel free to post insults on the whiteboard (like you don't do it already).
| The Semester of Love | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
It's a brand new semester at Cal, and I, thank god, have a brand new schedule. No more morning classes. No more waking up early. No more going to sleep early. No more doing my homework. No more brushing my teeth. No more wearing clothes of any kind. No more paying my rent, utilities, tuition, or sales tax. No more staying sober for more than an hour a week. And No more morning classes!
Oh, and follow the link to see my new schedule.
| /var/log/cody | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
The diary (blog, journal, log, etc.) of my winter vacation is still around, if you want to be unentertained. Like it says there, the page will probably be silent for another year, or maybe just until summertime.
In the meantime, a few projects are in the works: a page on the Blondies challenge, my Porn Movie Search Engine, and a tournament between cereal mascots, courtesy of Potade.
Also, I need to take the fuck adcritic thing down, because I got my wish, and AdCritic did get fucked. Lesson: be careful what you wish for.
| A Diary of Revelry | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
For most of the year, I'm either working or going to school, or both; however, over winter break, the really interesting stuff happens. This is why I'm providing a log of sorts, of the events, from start to end of the break. I hope to include events like trying to catch a duck, getting arrested in La Palma, trespassing, burning tons of federal government property, shooting a wall of flames across my backyard, bowling in the middle of the street, or building a battle bot (btw, that last one is the only one I haven't done).
| Alright, Now I'm Scared | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Cody's Bitch 2, much like T2, is nothing but better than its prequal. It's more scary than the original, and if you guys are really nice, the author has promised a final installment in the trilogy.
The poll asked, what I should do about these threatening stories, your recommendations:
- stop doing coke
- hunt down author
- leprechaun holocaust
It's go to know you guys want to set me straight. Thanks.
| Should I Be Scared? | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
I actually received a real, live, anonymous submission yesterday. No, I'm not kidding, I have no idea who the author is, but apparently they're my bitch. Well, shit, just go ahead and read it, yourself.
Now, for a little reader-feedback. After reading this submission, tell me, should I:
- ...be scared?
- ...hunt the author down, ritualistically?
- ...hire a bodygaurd, preferrably a busty blonde?
- ...stop doing coke, because I wrote this myself?
- ...do more coke, it'll take my mind off of it?
- ...sick my other bitches on the defector?
- ...initiate a leprechaun holocaust?
| Greg Day | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
I'm declaring today, November 11th, Greg Day; in time, I anticipate that celebrations of Greg Day will grow larger than those of it's counterpart on the same day, All Saints Day.
The being said, I've finally caught up on seven of Greg's posts, once long lost in my abysmal email box. And here they are, in no particular order:
- Choice Words
- The Dealer Called it Anthrax
- Ode to America
- Sailed
- Stand Beside
- Mrs. Butterworth Used to Touch Me
- To GW On His Birthday
You might want to read Choice Words first, it's complete treason, Greg really ought to be beheaded. Happy Greg Day, everybody!
| Fuck the Handicapped | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Another anonymous submission has rolled across my Inbox, and this one more clever than ever before. As you might guess, it's entitled "Fuck the Handicapped"
Rather than encouraging you to read it, I'll leave you with a quote that will force you to read it:
"they ought to take care of their own needs. just because i am emotionally unstable does that mean that every public institution should have a hug booth for me and people like me. no, dammit. no. i should pay for my own personal hugger to follow me wherever i go."
Damn that's good funny. The author only commented "...big bathroom stall to themselves... it's a farce, honest... honest, don't stone me."
| RedHat is for Communists | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
...alright, maybe that's going a little overboard, but two days ago, it was time for a change. I happened to already have the Debian Potato CD lying around (from a recent re-install on Igbo), and I thought to myself:
"I've been getting much too much sleep, and not nearly enough stress lately, maybe I'll try to install Debian on Pashto without backing anything up."
You don't have to be a Linux Jew to know that this probably isn't a smart thing to think. However, the upgrade has paid off, almost everything is working again, and I'm running Debian 2.2 testing. Of course, there have been a few things I had to fix since the new install:
- Greg's index page
- Angie's user tracking
- Jen's SSI
- Perl and Apache, period.
- mySQL tables (restored from backups)
- SSH (old version == full of holes)
- GPM (keyboard problems)
- Several leaky faucets
- A shattered ming vase
- World hunger
- etc.
| Splash Pages Suck | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Yes, splash pages do suck, usually. No, they don't suck when they're not static. That is, I don't mean to insult Angie, but having to wade through the same damn boring, static splash page every time is really a pain in the ass.
That being said, becuase I want to make my site a little more visually interesting, I'm adding a splash page. Currently, the pilot is being hosted on my old-school laptop, Igbo. Hopefully, I'll change the content at least once every two days; because the page is so empty, this is not hard to do, likewise, it gives me a creative outlet without taking up much time.
If you're a number theorist, you'll have fun trying to figure out the pattern of the numbers on the left, from day to day.
Update - as it turns out, running a laptop continuously for several days makes it extremely. In fact, I nearly burned myself trying to salvage the files before shutting down. I'm looking into alternate cooling methods, but for the mean time, splash pages will be hosted locally.
| CTF Webmail | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Alright, so the webmail interface that existed when CTF lived on Maori really has no exact Linux equivalent. However, there are more than a few damn fine Linux-native Webmail programs, one of which is pyWM. Of course, if you have a user account at codythefreak, you can give out any of these addresses to your friends (or strippers):
- user@codythefreak.net
- user@jazlink.com
- user@potade.net
...and then check your mail with nary more than a web browser.
No offense to the creators of pyWM, but the interface sucks, so I'm going to hack it so it actually matches, eventually. Given that, I'll conclude with a shout-out, TRL-style:
Woot! Open source! Woooooooooooo...
[cut off by a thirty-second music video]
| More Un-Privacy | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
|
Second in my series of articles to make you uncomfortable about how people are gathering information about you on the Internet: a hitlist. Basically, this page generates a list of every visit you've ever made to my website (since late August). Of course, this only works if you use the same computer, and have a static IP address. However, lots of sites use technology like this (and more intelligent technology) to keep track of you. Bascially, what I'm saying is: "If I can track you, anyone can, so don't feel immune." This goes hand-in-hand with the popular conspiracy theory that the government hosts copies of the anarchist's cookbook, and various hacker documents, and keeps track of who views them. I don't believe this at all, and you shouldn't either. |
|
| The Un-Privacy | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Certainly you've heard of the Un-Cola (this is not a product plug, I swear). Early today, when my latest midterm was officially over and done, rather than blaring loud music and watching TV while my roommate studies, I decided to make a mini-mod for my site. Basically, it's a little bar that floats across the top of the page (under 'login'), displaying back your IP address and browser.
How is this possible? Well, fields containing this information are transmitted in (most) HTTP headers, my scripts just pick them up, and send them right back, inside the page. It all runs on the server, too, so everything should be client-independent.
Other webmasters interested in this trick: I'm sorry, you can't do this without PHP.
My next step: modify some other existing code in my possession, to allow you to see a transcript of every other time you've visited my site. The IP with the most hits at the end of October wins: Sweet lovin'.
Must be female to enter (or Paul). No purchase necessary. Not valid inside the continental United States or where prohibited by law, and in non-participating stores. Sweet lovin' offer expires September 26, 1999. Sorry, no CODs. Professional driver, closed course. Do no attempt. Employees of CTF and their immediate family-members are not eligible. For external use only.
| No Ink on Your Fingers | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
So I actually updated my section on online comics. Of course, for more than a while I've been reading these comics on a daily basis:
 |
Online comics are great for more than a few reasons. You have craploads to pick from, meaning you should be able to find one with the right balance of animated violence and animated conversation.
Also, no one more intelligent will be looking over your shoulder disapprovingly as you leaf through the "Home and Living" or "Sports" section to find the only good part of the paper1.
The pictures above are stolen from comics, top to bottom: Scrubs, Bad Boys of Computer Science (BBoCS), and Penny Arcade. Maybe it's because it's because all of these are updated erratically (just like my site), but these three are my favorites.
1. Everyone should understand that, for a student, current events always lose to classwork, however comics sometimes win.
| Akbhar Allah, etc. | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Greg Pellam and Brandon Burns have teamed up for one of my personal favorites, Akbhar Allah, a deeply religious song, with religious overtones and undertones.
The four new submissions actually arrived in my mailbox months ago, and I never really got around to posting them. Rather than have Greg think forever that I didn't like these, I figured I'd just post them up, because it's a lot quicker than writing an praising email back to him.
This latest batch makes Greg the biggest writer on the site, byte for byte, with Angie shortly behind.
| Failed Attempts #7 | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Greg's Failed Attempts page is fucking brilliant... I can't stress that enough. He continues to astound, coming up with a unique topic, and memorable lines in each Failed Attempt. I find myself bent over laughing whenever I read a new one, I'm proud to host his site, you should visit it often.
Aside from that, it has come to my attention that most people don't read his banners. Read them, too, dammit, they're a lot more funny than mine. All you need to do is refresh a few times to witness each of them.
| 404 - Waldo Not Found | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
You're all familiar with the standard HTTP 404 error message. Most of the time, this just means the porn you've been looking for could not be found, and you're going to have to go back to the last page (using the mouse with your left hand), and try another thumbnail.
Lo and behold, Apache has a configuration option ('ErrorDocument', more specifically) that allows webmasters to provide more detailed or site-specific information when something couldn't be found. I recently discovered this option, and have put it to good use on my server. If you're at all interested, you'll have to find some page that doesn't exist.
Yes, you can expect these error messages to get ruder and ruder as time goes on.
| Purty Pictures | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
The credits page now has pictures... and the flowers bloom, and the birds sing, yada, yada, yada.
So now it's at least a little entertaining. I stole many of the pictures from Angie's U3P2 picture database, which is surprisingly large, although I think she's holding out on the large-format pictures of Brent in the recycling chute.
I should say, since I didn't ask for permission on any of these, that if you're on this page, for some reason, and you want a picture changed, just email me.
| Let all the Fly Skimmers... | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
I've worked for about seven hours now on, what I think, is a very promising project. The first tests have been completed, and the results are clear: the Porn Skimmer is a complete success!
test3.pl, as the project is called by insiders, was deployed at 10:30pm on Thursday, and searched various sites over the next 14 hours. Basically, the script goes through the source code of every site, and picks out all the links, downloading immediately the ones that point to movies. Ones that point to other websites are searched in the order they occur. The results
- Found movie (daniellas1.mpg)
- Found movie (monicas2.mpg)
- Found movie (lina3.mpg)
- Found movie (ba3-4.avi)
- Found movie (ba3-4.avi)
- Found movie (ba3-5.avi)
- Found movie (ba3-5.avi)
- Found movie (3co1.avi)
- Found movie (3co2.avi)
- Found movie (vs1.avi)
- Found movie (vs2.avi)
- ...
The list goes on. All in all, the movies add up to 232 MB, and number 65 (or, about 3.5 movies/hour). You can see the complete results in public FTP (password: movies). As soon as I get a polished version, I will release the source code, for public consumption.
Lastly, the skimmer starts at vidsvidsvids.com. If you have any other recommendations or wish to donate to the project, let me know.
Lie Nucks, not Lin Iks!  | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
From the 'yet another case of something Cody works long and hard on, but does not make a visible change in the website' department, new news: Codythefreak.net is now running on Linux! (All non-computer-savvy types only need to know that Linux is better, and doesn't crash as much. If you don't believe me, telnet into the server, and run 'uptime' from the command line).
The new server, Pashto, has already been up for three solid days without incident. I wish I could say the new server is the height of computing technology, but it's not. In fact, Pashto is already four years old. The fact that server requests complete faster on a slower processor, means that Linux is worth more than its weight in source code.
Comparison
| Maori | Pashto |
| PIII 850 MHz | PII 233 MHz |
| 128 MB RAM | 32 MB RAM |
| Windows ME/98 | Redhat Linux 7.1 |
| 20 GB, 7200 RPM HD | 8 GB, 5400 RPM HD |
| Client and server functions | Server functions only |
| Shared high speed DSL | Single lower speed DSL |
| Blows | Sucks |
My toils aren't completely fruitless, the new server will be offering lots of new services like:
- Mailing lists - Free SPAM is back!
- Shell accounts - tax the server by running useless commands!
- Linux-style user-management - Same password for ftp, email, shell, and webmaster pages!
- File permissions - actually store things securely on the server!
- Secure services - coming soon: sftp, pop3s
- Database use - mySQL accounts and databases for those who can answer me these questions three...
- Usage stats for virtual hosts - on request, individial webmasters can have stats pages, just like Cody's
Important note: your email or files on the old server have not been lost, and the server is still available at maori.codythefreak.net. If you had mail-forwarding, or email aliases set up before, you will probably need to ask me to set them up again. Also, everyone's password should be set to their old FTP password, if it isn't, email root.
Lastly, I should mention: these names do follow a theme. Maori and Pashto are languages from the Polynesian islands, and middle of Africa, respectively. If you have any ideas for additional server names along this theme, email me (please note, 'English', 'Spanish', and 'Latin' are stupid names, and will not be accepted, unless you're an attractive woman, living in the Berkeley-area, in which case, they're not stupid, they're brilliant).
| Crime Makes You Pay | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
A momentary update on Cody's prosecution:
- 7/4/2001: Lawyer says, "You're a programmer anyway, you'll like house arrest. It's like working on a big programming project, only you wear an electronic monitoring anklet. Likewise, your parents can't make you go out and mow the lawn!"
- 7/15/2001:
Lawyer says, My hero says, "You know that whole thing about house arrest? Yeah, well... I got that commuted to a fine. This way, you can pay for your freedom."
Of course, after this, I was singing and dancing, for a few minutes. The fine is actually more than I can afford, and since I'm moving into a new apartment, I now have to save my money instead of buying furniture. Currently, the place is only partly furnished, while I do have a couch, a desk, and some chairs, I keep my clothes in a pile by the floor, and eat dinner over the sink.
Friends of Cody, Unite!
I'm too proud to ask for cash as a gift, I'm asking for small items for my apartment in the form of "Birthday Gifts" (convenient because the 11th is coming up). Here's how you can make me happy (and living in the lap of luxury):
- Toaster oven
- Clear mat for under computer chair
- Four port switch (networking hardware)
- Drawers
- Trash cans
- A Mop
Of course, anyone kind enough to give any gift, will be immortalized in irony somewhere on my website.
<Milla Voice>Pleeaase Halp!</Milla Voice>*
* = If you don't know what this means, you must watch the Fifth Element.
| Greg Writes Again | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Greg's streak of literary gems remains unbroken. While I can't piece together his latest pieces into a coherent understanding of his current place in life, they still entertain me.
I feel like a small child that enjoys Shakespear. I like Greg's pieces, but can't seem to figure out why. Neither can I decipher some deeper meaning, even though I suspect one exists. If any of you ascertain some nuance, let me know.
On a lighter note, Greg doesn't insult me in any of these poems, I think:
| Crime Doesn't Pay | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Some loyal visitors have reported hearing sketchy details on my criminal record. While the crime was sketchy, I feel my readers deserve to know the truth. No, I'm not going to make the police report available online (for now); no, I'm going to make explicit details available to the general public; yes, the server will go down if I go to jail. I'm going to tell this in the third person because I still can't believe it actually pertains to me:
The Story
Cameron Cody Smith and two accomplices were caught red-handed vandalizing a payphone in La Palma, CA. They were detained and thumb-printed, but not arrested.
Ten days later, Cameron received a summons to appear in court. They accused him of one crime violating a California Penal Code and a California Vehicle Code. The crime: petty vandalism (under $300), a misdemeanor.
Location
I have managed to locate an overhead map of La Palma. My modifications to this image should make it very straightforward as to exactly where I was caught:
The police station is that large L-shaped building underneath the 'C' in 'fucked.' The nosey neighbor that called the cops is under the lower fork of the arrow.
Punishment
According to California penal codes, the maximum punishment for the vandalism is:
- One year in prison
- $1000 fine
- One year driver's license suspension (this is where the vehicle code comes in, this code was recently created to discourage taggers. I am not a tagger.)
- Any combination of the above
Expenses
Cameron proceeds to spend many hundreds of dollars on the case:
- Various notarization fees: $22.25
- Restitution and fines: $300
- Lawyer: $900
- Not going to jail: priceless
Persecution
After various court dates, pre-trail meetings with the DA, and other legal meetings, the public attorney and my consul have come to a plea bargain. I plea guilty to "Trespassing", accept the following punishment, and go free:
- $200 restitution, $100 fine
- Three (3) year informal probation
- Twenty (20) eight-hour days of CalTrans work (those guys that pick up trash by the side of the road).
My feelings
Apparently, I'm very lucky to have avoided jail and other more serious punishments; however, I can't help but think that this punishment is somewhat harsh given my conditions (I hold down a full-time job, attend college during the school-year, get good grades, vote, pay my taxes, have no prior criminal convictions, donate blood, celebrate Christmas, avoid dairy products, tutor disadvantaged minority children, pray several times a day, donate to the March of Dimes, fund anti-fascist uprisings, and put up with my sister). Furthermore, I won't be able to forget this case for a single solitary day for the next three years. During my probation, I will forfeit my fourth amendment rights, and will be punished with a mandatory thirty (30) day jail sentence for any misdemeanor, or more serious crime.
Perhaps I had a different conception of the term misdemeanor.
| The Art of Downtime | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Every server has to go down sometime, obviously. Need for maintenence, troubleshooting, and spring-cleaning might take a server down for an hour or so. Most sysadmins will have an exact plan-of-action to take during this hour, everything will be planned out ahead of time, so the server can be back up as soon as possible.
If uptime is important for some reason, that hour of downtime will probably be in the middle of the night. If uptime is really important, a duplicate backup might take it's place for that time. If uptime is really really important, the server is probably not all by itself. It's part of a server farm, or some other load balanced network where servers can go down for maintanence all the time, and the rest site still remains functional
To make a long story short, codythefreak.net is not an important server at all. No, not even a little bit. So, for the next week, until Monday, May 28, codythefreak.net will be down. However, it won't be down to any important reason, I'm just moving. For the next week, I'm homeless, so the server is homeless.
Hopefully, similar transitions in the future can be made smoothly because I do have two boxes that can both act as ctf servers. I can take the primary server down and put the secondary server up, users won't even know the difference.
Caveats:
- All services will be down, this means: no FTP, no email, no SSH, no http[s]. Everything will be down, the server will not even be in the vicinity of the Internet.
- Your stuff will still be here, I keep track of everything carefully, and even if I switch servers, I make sure everything gets transferred.
- There will be no message telling you the server is down, this is self-explanatory. No one volunteered to hold my DNS record and post up a "Server Down until ..." message on every port, so don't freak out, just read this message before the server goes down tonight.
- Pornography availability may be curtailed during the summer, I will be sharing a more constricted connection with housemates at Acacia Fraternity. While they will have direct NetBios access, I will take down the FTP connection. I recommend: VidsVidsVids, mpsex.org, and House of All Porn.
In the meantime, go buy yourself a double jack and coke.
| Out of Anonymity | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
A good friend, a brilliant writer, an enterprising socialist. These are all things I would say about Greg Pellam at a funeral. What I wouldn't mention is that he's the type to lend a vandal a truck, or leave school because it's too damn easy.
In the interest of dichotomy, I suppose I should refer to this Greg as "Little Greg," "Diminutive Greg" or "Not Quite so Big Greg"; but these would all be downright deceptive. Greg's rare brand of humor is much more important than his magnitude. His two submissions this week begin a series that should prove to be an instant classic:
| Biggy Busts Out | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Cody: "I wholeheartedly endorse this product or service!"
Big Greg: "Uh... actually it's a website."
Cody: "I also endorse this website. Now where's the money?"
No, seriously, Big Greg's website of tight shit is getting really tight. His site boasts two new sections just this week: 'Fun things to do when you're drunk', and 'Failed Attempts.' They're both funny, but I think Failed Attempts is going to be a popular favorite.
Since no praise from me will glorify Failed Attempts enough, I will merely quote the master:
I have to admit I was flirting. Most people do it with a quick glance, a shy smile, singing telegrams delivered while hanging from grappling hooks outside your bedroom window as you got dressed in the morning (uh...that wasn’t me, I’m just using that as an example).
| Fuck That @ AdCritic.com | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
In the spirit of thievery that has characterized my life, I have written a little script that will let you download movies from adcritic.com. Usually, this task is difficult without looking at the source code, and scrolling through to find the correct movie file. Navigation is easy, just move around the site as you usually do, when you find a page with a movie, the bar at the top will give you the filename in the form of a link (right-click to download).
The engine uses database caching so it doesn't have to scroll through all the files looking for text over and over again. If what's in the database isn't correct (the link points to the wrong place), just hit refresh.
There you have it, a crack for the masses. And to AdCritic: I'm only doing this because I love you.
| Penny Per Visit | Big | 5|4|3 2|1|R |
Thanks to Paul's weak DoS (Denial of Service) attack on codythefreak.net, my counter has eclipsed the 3500 mark, representing a penny-per-visit.
A long time ago when domains were only a nickel, I wasn't even born. In fact, I wasn't born and raised until InterNIC started charging a flat $35 fee. For a high school graduation gift, I recieved... software. But, finally, months after that, I bought my own domain name and created this site.
Why am I telling you all this? It's because that $35 is the only solid cash I've spent on the website. Effectively, every person that visits means my $35 gets stretched farther and farther. And, on Monday, the amazing moment of truth occured.
Paul probably didn't see it because he was busy clicking "Refresh" repeatedly, but, at one point, the counter said:
"At $35 for 3500 visits, that's $0.01 per visit"
From now on, I will feel that this has been a great investment. Much better than that $35 lap-dance at Centerfolds, of course.
The Stone Cold Steve Austin Let me first say that the anonymous monologue is intended to represent me speaking in the first person. K. I would be more than happy to divulge the authorship, only I would fear retaliation. I. I should show that I can be a good sport, though, because I want the site to be as much of a community as possible. R. Where people can submit entertaining or enlightening material without fear of consequences. K. Happy reading! (Oh, by the way: it's all true.)
Decisive Ex Machina Undeclared is a mark that brands some poor, indecisive souls. These are the people that go to college because their parents expect them to, and hope to find a some passion. The bad news: the "hallowed walls" of many Universities will never succeed at inspiring every student. In this case, choosing a major can be difficult and torturous.
Codythefreak now offers a service that will...
Maybe this goes a little to far. But, it is free.
Cody Claus Since the codythefreak.net community is growing, I'm formalizing my offer for free web space and email. Currently, this section contains only specs and legal crap, but it will soon have tech support for users, including a deconstruction of the codythefreak.net format.
I intend to make webmastering easy without imposing banners or technical limitations.
How to Fuck with People Playing pranks on people (fucking with them) is a healthy and youthful pastime. It's also really funny to watch their reactions, and listen to them beg for mercy, and scream in pain! Anyways, in this section I give you ideas as to how to fuck with people. Whether or not you get away with it is your own business.
This section would simply be called "pranks", but I like to use goddamn profanity as much fucking as possible, shithead.
Medical Advice If you've ever had medical problems that were too embarrassing to visit a physician, and you can't be bothered to stay on hold for two hours to talk to Dr. Drew and Adam, I've got just the right thing for you. You may have questions like "Where did this rash come from?" or "It better not have come from that skanky bitch!" or "Goddamn it! It is from that skanky bitch!" Not too worry, all of these will be put at ease by codythefreak's resident medical expert.
Dr. Chummmmp is a world renown surgeon and professor emeritus at UC Berkeley; or, at least, the closest thing we could get. Hey, don't complain the advice is free, except for the expected $1 gratuity.
Free Web Space Well, this "Cody shares things that he is blessed to have discovered with those who haven't discovered it" thing is going further every day. Today, I suppose I will offer free web space. Not only that, but I will create virtual subdomains for these people and allow them to upload whatever they want to my very computer. Here's the pros (there are no cons because I say so):
Big Greg's Views Everyone has a right to express their opinions, and in a world that frequently attacks and represses those that express controversial feelings, I feel the moral urge to make my site a place where people can say whatever they want. I hold some controversial views, so I can sympathize with Greg. So the new section will be Big Greg's Views.
Free Email I'm sorry to disappoint those of you hoping for free Middle Eastern exchange students named 'Emil', but I have something that will cheer you up: free @codythefreak.net email addresses. I did get several questions before along the lines of: "You have your own domain, but you don't get mail under that domain, what's with that?" Well, problem solved, I'm now running a mail server that will allow you to reach me at cody@codythefreak.net. The names have a 64 character limit, but no limit to the size of the files you can send and receive. The only thing you might be wary of is that if my computer starts to run out of hard drive space, frivolous emails containing unimportant things like business documents or precious cracked software will be the first ones to go. But I have 6 gigs open currently, so as long as you don't abuse the system, the system will not abuse you.
Currently I'm working on hooking email addresses to logins for the site, but that is still tentative, so if you want an @codythefreak.net email address you will still have to email me. Benefits of @codythefreak.net are:
Project Code Plagarists, listen up! I just posted my Project Two Code under the Code Pages. As you may well know, we were asked to modify the little waving man, so I made Mr. Bill, from SNL, back when it was good.
"Oh no, you're going to be mean to me!" is what the program returns when you call the mrbill function.
"Code" is almost "Cody" The inner programmer within me peeks out through my ass, or something like that, in the new page dedicated wholly to programming, the Code Pages. It's true, I churn out thousands of lines of code every year, and while most programmers would cite insecurities about the asthmatics of their code, I couldn't give a fuck. I understand data abstraction, and styles regarding commenting and variable-naming, but when I just need to get the job done, code that works is good code. Dealing with the more painful aspects of programming is something I save for later in life.
Site Overhaul Well, you certainly wouldn't notice because the crucial part of this change is all under the hood, as far as how the site works. You might notice, if all of your bookmarks broken, that every page on the site has a brand spanking new .php extension. That is because PHP is wonderful and beautiful and can do anything, and my old method couldn't.
This may mean huge sweeping changes in the site, for example, authors may be able to submit articles under a streamlined interface, kind of like a personal favorite of mine: Slashdot.org. However, ideally, codythefreak.net would be more content oriented and less fleeting newspaper-style oriented.
Die, AOL, Die Unveiled today: my favorite section yet (that is, one that is completely devoted to violence and destruction. You can help me bring a multinational to its knees. No, not literally, you dumbass. I want to take down AOL by any means necessary, and you can help me. Here's the new content:
Site Update You might be thinking: "Don't you have anything better to do than overhaul this site every week?" The answer is "yes." If you asked me if that other stuff was more interesting I would say: "no". So there you have it, I have completely reorganized the site, and effectively drained another couple of hours of my life into HTML.
.plan Update (2/5/2001) Cody says: "Cody kindly defers to Mike D..."
Mike D says: "The master plan is to add some real content to this site. Since it is structured like a Content site, it needs more solid content. This was pointless before when the site was completely unorganized, but now the streamlined layout allows for Cody to actually make things available to you, as any good website should. This is what Cody must add:
Cody says: "Oh... kay... To those of you wondering: yes, he did actually recite the bulleted list verbatim. I also plan on allowing friends webspace because every deserves banner free CGI-, SSI-supporting webspace."
--cody
Survey Says... Incontinence is sexy - Follow-up - Original Story
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7.4 |
After receiving an uncanny number of votes, 387, the judges have finally completed the tally. You netizens have rated my pale, drunk ass as a 7.4, that means I'm hotter than 70% of other men on the site. All I have to say to those 70%: ouch! |
Incontinence can be sexy
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Give me a 10 at Am I Hot or Not. No, really... Hey, folks, the domain speaks for itself. There's a reason why the site is not called "www.codythebeautiful.net". |
This site is not copyright, and anyone who wants to use content can do so without my permission.
By: Cody Smith, www.codythefreak.net, 2001, 2002.