"Not bad... Not bad." --

(put your comment here)

chunky

britney

vans

porno

Quote:

"love can kill you, but caffeiene can only give you the shits"

--Josh

From News

CTF Forums

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Ah, finals, the time of year when all students are just flooded with free time, and have nothing to do but eat, sleep, drink and fuck. Finals are a wonderful, magical and glorious time, which we should all embrace with open arms. (Maybe by this point you've guessed that the first final I'm actually worried about falls on the 17^th, which is more than a week away.)

So, with all my extra time, I setup CTF Forums, where you can really discuss anything; however, I am safely presuming already that it will devolve into speculations and counter-speculations about which drugs I'm on, how long it's been since I've showered, and how crappy these forums are. I'll even start you out with a topic for the general discussion: what should I do for CTF.net's second birthday?. Perhaps you can discuss the cereal battles, too. Whatever, I don't care.

[takes a swig of Robitussin]

CBR Week #10

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The Trix Rabbit easily beat Coco last week, 10-3. The bunny must've been wizened by those hundreds of battles against the "trix are for kids" gang. Those guys are heartless killing machines, I tell you.

Anyways, this week it's the freshly-named BuzzBee, (the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee) versus Sonny, the... uh, well, I don't know what sonny is... maybe a cock. Yeah, that's it, Sonny's a cock. So, will BuzzBee sting Sonny in the eye, or will Sonny... uh... jizz on BuzzBee. Just pretend that I'm not biased.

Cereal Battle Royale Who would win in a street fight?
CBR Updates, via Email:
BuzzBee (Honey Nut Cheerios)	Sonny (Cocoa Puffs)

The older Cereal Battle Results have been moved here, if you're still interested.

From News

10,000 Hits

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Hell, yeah! November (which, at the time of writing, still has 19 hours left in it) is far-and-away the busiest month in CTF history. November's 10882 hits (so far) easily eclipses August-2002's 6747. This is fucking great, I can't even tell you how good it feels; and not only is the site getting thousands more hits than usual, I'm also a porn king.

Why, you ask?

porn.php, the frontend for Skimmer2, my porn search engine, is getting almost 3/4^ths of the hits. People are suddenly linking to Skimmer from all over the place, which is cool, because I put a shitload of work into it, and it seems more worthwhile when others frequently use it. Since the site won't get Slashdotted unless I write something coherent, the best I can hope for is getting Farked. -sigh-, maybe one day.

From News

Now Playing

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So right now I'm in Berkeley all by myself, because every other person is either at home with their family or at a homeless shelter eating Thanksgiving dinner. After walking around naked got old, I embarked on several coding projects, one of which actually works: now playing. So it takes the song that's currently playing in my Winamp and puts it in a little bar right under the whiteboard, if my Winamp is actually running. If you're lucky, it's probably up there right now, and might read "MC Paul Barman - Get MTV off the Air (Part 2)" or "Handsome Boy Modeling School - The Projects" or "Tenacious D - Wonderboy" or "Deltron 3030 - Love Story (instr.)", but probably doesn't read "Celion Dion - Some Shitty Song" or "Garth Brooks - I'm a Better Baseball Player than Musician, and I'm a Crappy Baseball Player" or "Four Non-Blondes - No One's Going to Get this Joke, Anyway (Remix)."

Also, to spice up this update, I noticed that the Oxford English Dictionary has an entry for "doh," which I will present to you now:

Expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned, or that one has just said or done something foolish. Also (usu. mildly derogatory): implying that another person has said or done something foolish (cf. DUH int.).

From News

The Bears Win!

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Finally, a victory against Stanfurd for the wonderful, glorious, and amazing Golden Bears. I don't even know what to say, so I'll leave it to the experts: Daily Cal's Game Summary, Post-Game Riot Summary, and Misc. Game Photos. SFGate also has a good article on the game, titled The Big Maim. Hey, look, it's Pradeep!

From News

c7f.net

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You know it, I know it, and thousands of people who visit every month are painfully aware: codythefreak.net is too long, and sucks to type. Thus, now I offer an alternative: c7f.net, it works just like codythefreak.net, and you won't notice any other differences, besides the nine characters that you don't have to type.

CTF Webmasters: I encourage you to take advantage of the anonymity of this shortened URL, especially for those of you who don't actually want to associate with me in public. So, for example, now you can start giving out the address angie.c7f.net, biggreg.c7f.net, or torikyn.c7f.net.

Now, I should answer some questions:

Q: What the fuck? c7f.net? What's with the seven?

A: Obviously, you're not an l337 4aX0r like me... The 7 stands for T, n008.

Q: Ha! ctf.net wasn't available, was it?

A: Actually, it is for sale, but I don't have $12,000. You don't have $12,000, do you? Because that would be great.

Q: Even if I did, shouldn't you have that surgery first? The doctor said it would probably add 20 years to your life.

A: Nuts to that. Only the good die young! ... [coughs up unidentifiable red object]

Q: What is that?

A: I think it's a piece of intestine.

Well, there you have it. I hope that answers all of your questions. Now visit c7f.net.

From News

New Banners, Finally

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Thanks to Vicky for two new banners (actually three, but I'm saving one for a special occasion), which are the first new banners since March. The first is a throw back to the good old days of sheep-jokes on the second floor, and the second was is my first seasonal banner.

From News

This Just In: I'm Made of Money!

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Apparently my status as a student just cries out to the world:

That's right, I'm made of money, and money grows on trees, and I won the fucking lottery last week, so dig in, everyone, there's more than enough of my money to go around.

Gaaaaah!!! I'm not made of fucking money, please have mercy! [Pointing to a man in a suit] Go rip off that guy, he's got tons of money.

From News

Final Cody's Bitch

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The trial lasted almost 11 months, but the author of the Cody's Bitch series of anonymous submissions is now safely behind bars (on unrelated charges) and the judge has authorized me to post the final submission in the trilogy. I'm posting this only hesitantly, because it really is fucking disgusting, but I did promise to post whatever the fans sent in. So here it is. Keep 'em coming.

From News

Retrospect: 125 Days of Pizza

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125 days ago, with encouragement from coworkers and my roommate, I set out on a challenge: to eat a slice of Blondies Pizza every day. It was no teamster-style challenge--I went every day, including weekends, holidays, and over Spring Break, through sleet and snow and all those crooked bums on Telegraph. (No, I will not give you mony for pot, you motherfucker, that was only amusing the first 100 times. If you want my money, be original and ask me to help you get a bite to eat.)

But I digress, the point of this story is that my goal was to go through the last day of finals, May 25, or challenge day 124. Furthermore, I threw a huge party on Saturday night to celebrate the challenge, and eat the last slice (after midnight, counting for day 125, a nice round number), and have tons of booze left over. And, since I promised my mom a long time ago that I would never drink alone, you need to come over and help me finish these beers.'

Come on, I'm waiting. This beer isn't going to drink itself. Boy, if it did, that'd be some sight. Oh, also, there will be pictures from this party. Stay tuned.

From News

Ed To Open Clit-Folding Franchise

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Ed Meng, a local socialite and fellow double-major, has hinted at the nature of his summer project for 2002: clit folding. Meng was quoted as saying, "hey i gotta piss and take a nap and fold clits," before practicing for the American Clitoris Association exam (or "clixam"), which lasts five grueling hours.

Presumably, Meng would set up a chain of clit-folding franchises in and around Berkeley, dedicated to the ancient, and long lost Laotian art. Such businesses usually cater to lonely single or widowed women who prefer the hands of a stranger to autoerotic stimulation. Of course, since clit-folding is illegal in forty eight states, including California, such businesses would front as massage parlors, or supermarkets, much like Andronicos.

Meng would not enjoy a monopoly on clit-folding, though. Sources reveal that Meng's franchise would compete against under-the-table businesses running in the Andronico's sea-food section, in the back room of Yogurt Park, and amateur clit-folders living in nearly every fraternity around campus. Representatives from these fraternities say they encourage Ed, and hope Ed's franchise clit-folding parlors will create job opportunities for many amateur clit-folders.

Good luck, Ed, fold that clit once for me!

From Errata

That Wiley Matlock

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A friend of mine did something incredibly geeky the other day when he sent me the Matlock theme song (sorry, Rickey, ya'll can't deny it). Yes, that's right, the Matlock theme song, as in, the theme to Matlock.

Since then, I've found myself going through the stages of Matlock. First, I thought it was hilarious, and played it for Pradeep. Then, as the song was finishing, I just barely avoided throwing it in the trash. Next, I started to accept Matlock, listening to the song casually, and playing it for guests (who were back in step #1, amusement). Lastly, I've reached the state of remorse. I don't know why I like the Matlock theme, but I'm not comfortable with it. This is all very upsetting. I'm afraid that I might end up sending the Matlock theme to someone else, some day, at which time, I will have hit rock bottom.

From Errata

Stapler Guy = Classic

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Milton, the arsonist, and stapler-phile, who works pro bono in Office Space, is now, officially, a classic character. When Angie sent me the wave file of him saying, "Excuse me. Yeah, uh, I believe you have my stapler," it reminded me that the guy is still funny, and always will be. Even though the movie came out in 1999, Milton's violent antisocial antics and quiet meekness are still funny today. You might also recognize Stephen Root, the actor who played Milton, from News Radio, in which he played an even cooler character, Jimmy James. Hats off to you, Milton.

Face Off Which do you prefer?
Lenny	Carl