"Not bad... Not bad." --

(put your comment here)

Quote:

"Hey, Paul, why is the sky blue?"

--Janine

"Uh, it's atmosphere and shit."

--Paul

/var/log/cody

For most of the year, I'm either working or going to school, or both; however, over winter break, the really interesting stuff happens. This is why I'm providing a log of sorts, of the events, from start to end of the break. Enjoy.

My Only Friend, the End

2002-01-18 7:58 PM

Well, it's been a good run, but I'm retiring this blog for another year. My lack of updates over the past few days would resemble my lack of updates during the school year, if I extended it. With regards to winter break: some 'thank you's, because I don't use that term enough in real life: Thanks to Josh, for still being my friend after six years. Thanks to Angie, for still being my friend for several months. Thanks to the Changs, for taking me to Black Hawk Down, everyone in Berkeley envy's me for having seen it. Thanks to Burns, for being a little bitch, and sponsoring much alcohol. Thanks to Lulu, for stringing me along in that whole I-might-actually-go-to-Berkeley thing. Thanks to my folks, for putting me up, and letting me drive the car. Thanks to you, for reading this dribble. I'll leave you with something John Ashcroft said to me in a dream: Osamu bin Laden is a polyp in the colon of this great nation.

The Two Most Important Parts

2002-01-15 4:44 AM

Camo boxers are great, because if I ever roll out of bed and find myself in a jungle during a war, I won't get shot in the ass or nuts.

This One Time, at Band Camp

2002-01-15 3:38 AM

I spent most of yesterday writing a perl script to crawl the internet, searching for pornography. The project is pretty much a success. Anyway, one of the movies it turned up is of a girl with a flute. That's pretty much the most interesting thing that's happened all day. Oh, also, a quote of mine is on InPassing.org, it's received 24 comments already. No, I do not have a life outside computers.

Ransomless

2002-01-14 6:14 AM

Angie didn't show up under the pier at 3 AM, in fact, no one was under the pier at 3 AM. She probably doesn't care, but her phone card is burried uner life-gaurd tower 19 in Huntington Beach. Maybe Skimmer2 will make me $10,000, instead (thanks for the impetus, Paul).

Aw, crap

2002-01-13 10:15 PM

Guest author: Angie Chang When Cody Smith woke up this morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin. He was lying on his back as hard as armor plate, and when he lifted his head a little, he saw his vaulted brown belly, sectioned by arch-shaped ribs, to whose dome the cover, about to slide off completely, could barely cling. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, were waving helplessly before his eyes. You can guess the rest.

...Or the Card Gets It!

2002-01-13 2:55 AM

I'm holding Angie's phone card at ransom. Angie, if you want it back, meet me underneath the Huntington Beach pier. Bring a suitcase with $10,000 in unmarked, non-consecutive singles. I'll be wearing a "Berkeley" sweatshirt, and no shoes. No cops. Once I receive the money, I will contact you with the whereabouts of the card. Don't try any funny stuff, or my accomplace will call his grandparents in South Africa, at a rate of $.27/minute, on your phone card. And just to prove we do have the phone card, here's a handsome picture of myself with the card: You have 24 hours. And to let you know that we're serious, you have 12 hours. I'll see you at 3 AM.

Cockless Motherfucker

2002-01-12 11:15 PM

Brandon, if nothing else, is a master of oxymoronic insults. The example I always use if "cockless motherfucker", however I'm sure you can think of your own. Also, he sucks at GTA2, and is a little bitch, so there.

Downhome Crazy

2002-01-11 4:30 AM

My dentist, as he was filling my cavities, sans anesthesia, told me an interesting story about the Mad Hatter. The term "mad hatter" wasn't invented by Lewis Carroll, it was actually a pretty common term that came from "Mad as a hatter." Why are hatters crazy? Beaverskin preserves well if dipped in mercury, so people that made beaverskin hats would dip them in huge vats of mercury to prolong the life of the hat. This was all long before people thought mercury was poisonous or dangerous, so the hatters would just use their hands, and not bother to avoid the fumes. Of course, being exposed to so much mercury made them fucking nuts. Exposure to metallic mercury or mercury compounds, even in small quantities over a period of time, can cause severe poisoning. Mercury can enter the body by inhalation of vapors or mercury-containing dust, by swallowing (ingestion) or by absorption through the skin. Symptoms of chronic mercury poisoning are weakness, fatigue, inflammation and ulcers in the mouth, bleeding gums, loosened teeth, excessive salivation (spittle), tremors (shaking) and emotional instability. Acute poisoning causes nausea, abdominal pain, vomiting, headaches, diarrhea and, (occasionally) cardiac weakness. (source) Aside from loosened teeth, these are all pretty much symptoms of final exams, too. Likewise, the acute poisoning symptoms sound a lot like being drunk. I'm glad I'm not a hatter, being drunk during finals all the time.

Fuck You Guys So Much

2002-01-11 3:20 AM

Yech, the guest-list had about 25 people on it (RSVP'd) and only about eight ever came by. I feel so unloved. Nonetheless, I had a helluva good time with the people that did stop by--jumping on the trampoline and guzzling booze, sometimes simultaneously. Since I didn't have enough to drink yesterday, I'm going to Elise's party today, dressed in only my finest clothes (camo boxers, "Berkeley" sweatshirt, dress shoes). That's right, I'm trying to impress the ladies. "Try" being the keyword there.

Party at My House!

2002-01-09 2:30 AM

In no more than six hours, I'm dropping my parents off at the airport. That's right, they'll be gone for three days. During their absence, my house will be a haven for anyone who enjoys consuming alcohol and jumping on a trampoline. I'm trying to get as many people as possible over on Thursday night. So, if you know me, you're invited, and you can bring as many guests as you want. Just a casual event (no DJs or strippers or pay-per-view), BYOB. I'll be in all day, so you young-types can visit during the day, instead. Ah, it's good to be... uh... whatever the hell I am.

Dentists Scare Me

2002-01-08 12:56 PM

Alright, so they don't usually scare me, but they do today, because I'm getting a cavity filled in about an hour. I've brushed my teeth compulsively in the past few days. Yesterday, I think, was the record: six times. On a similar note, I'm keeping my wisdom teeth, partly because I think 32 is a much more round number than 28 (in binary, 100000 versus 11100). Also, December was the first month that I got more hits than Angie. I attribute to her dead-end splash page of about two weeks during finals. Lastly, someone thinks Greg's a bitch, and found my website when trying to learn more about it. Match number 137! I'll leave you all with the thought of someone who searches for "Greg's a Bitch" and then scrolls down thirteen pages to find my website. [sigh]

Oh, the Humanity!

2002-01-08 6:10 AM

Alright, this website beats out all the other ones in the previous post: my little sister's website. I'm not sure which number, but this is definitely one of the seven signs of the apocolypse. "And remember: respect is everything." --GTA2

Ach, I'm Blind

2002-01-08 4:27 AM

Sweet merciful crap! I've just seen a movie of an extremely fat lady doing salsa. Afterwords, to make myself feel better, and went to look at this chick with four breasts. That still didn't cheer me up, so I went and found this list of dead pornstars. Did you know that Leslie Glass died of colon cancer?

Nuts to That

2002-01-07 9:49 AM

Flatterland started out as a math book, but, near the end, it devolved into a review of relativistic physics and quantum mechanics. Which totally blows. Don't get me wrong, quantum mechanics is fascinating, but I bought a math book, and I want to read about math, for Christ's sake. That being said, the word of the day, today, is boson, which is best when spoken aloud. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

New Hero: Guy Ritchie

2002-01-06 4:55 AM

Teach Rickey how to drive a stick-shift Dinner at some Chinese place with the Chang family (in El Hambra, very good) Pick up Rickey's new Miata, and drive it back for him Play several games of pool Visit Taco Bell Watch all five short films in "The Hire", each a BMW advertisement (Guy Ritchie directed the best one). Play GTA2 Write this Read Flatterland Back to sleep Other things in my mind: "Where the hell is Elise?", "What should I read after Flatterland?", "Do I want a relationship with [censored]?", "Be excellent to each other. --Bill and Ted", "What is Ivy's status on the List?", and "I need a math challenge..." Later, i'll explain the List.

Quote of the Day

2002-01-06 4:52 AM

"What's in that bus?" --Josh (about a bus Brandon is about to run over with a tank) "Dead people." --Brandon "Damn, dude, you sound like a Palistinian." --Cody

History Lesson

2002-01-05 6:21 AM

A history lesson, which I'll make quick: Euclid's Elements Before 450 BC, geometry was a loose collection of disconnected theorems, with no solid basis. A mathematician, Euclid, sits down to formalize everything in one work. He writes thirteen (13) volumes, and calls his work "Elements". He starts with five very simple statements, called axioms (sometimes postulates). He then builds, piece by piece, all of geometry with two things: definitions and theorems. The axioms are statements like: "Between any two distinct points, there passes a unique line." Axioms are statements so fundamental, they can't be proven. The definitions are statements like, "A line is breadthless length." The theorems are things like, "It is possible to construct an equilateral triangle because..." If mathematics has a bible, it is Euclid's Elements.

Movies

2002-01-05 5:53 AM

Crap, it's been a while. Four days without an update isn't that bad, is it? While watching Four Rooms on HBO #6, I realized I have seen a crapload of movies over break, only one of which was in the theatre, partially thanks to multiple blockbuster gift cards. Here they are in chronological order: Small Time Crooks - I feel like I should appreciate Woody Allen, but that one bit got old after about an hour. Black Hawk Down (in theatre) - worth every penny! I recommend watching it unless you're squimish about seeing the top half of a person with the bottom half freshly detached. I have some criticisms, but none of them are really at a level appropriate here. Dude, Where's My Car - No, bad. Escape from the Planet of the Apes - rule of thumb: each POTA movie is 1/2 a star worse than its predecessor. This is number 3, the first movie received 3.5 stars, do the math. Snatch - everyone already knows this is a good movie. Somewhat reminiscant of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, which was also directed by Guy Ritchie. Final Fantasy - while not good, I really enjoyed this movie. Square only made one big mistake with the graphics: jaw movement (the lack thereof). As it is, the speech in the movie is kind of creepy, because of this. Shadow of the Vampire - choose one: a comedy that is not funny, a scary movie that is not scary, or a drama that is not dramatic. I expected better of you, John Malkovich. Writing all that makes me feel like a little bitch.

New Cell

2002-01-01 6:39 PM

Hey, izzle, hit me up on my cell: (510) 681-9016.

Happy New Year!

2002-01-01 7:17 AM

I'm appending my resume. It will now include a line under 'accomplishments' that says "- Has lived during two palindromic years (1991, 2002)". During most of the last thousand years, this would mean that I was at least 110 years old, but not now, thanks to the big Y2K rollover. Aside from that, codythefreak.net is entering it's second year, which is cause for tremendous celebration. By all reasonable counts, the stats are as follows for 2001: 27,561,600 seconds uptime 25,000 pages served 5,800 pages served to Paul 1,500 unique visitors 250 porno movies streamed (before 6/2001) $140 spent on domain names $140 spent on hosting1 75 hacking attempts 51 new quotes for the quote file 21 email accounts created 16 people who've chipped in 11 (sub)domains served 4 complete site overhauls 3 different servers (maori, pashto, igbo) 3 different locations (dorms, Acacia, Apt 30) 0 times hacked 0 pieces of spam 0 ad banners 1 = diff. between enhanced and regular DSL Again, happy new year. I only have so much time available to come up for new stuff for the site, so, if you have an idea or request, email Cody.

Stupid Condoms

2002-01-01 1:02 AM

Not as an insult to anybody, but I fucking bought condoms last night. Of course, I knew I was never going to actually use them, but... I don't know, I just have way too many condoms around for someone who doesn't get laid. And I realized that that's a bad thing. "When there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope."

Ripping, Tearing, Stealing, Call It What You Want

2001-12-31 6:47 PM

Cripes, I've been ripping music from Heather's expansive collection for three hours, and still haven't made much more than a tiny dent in it. It's not my fault either, she has so much good stuff... For Christ's sake, she has more No Doubt, Cake, The Doors, Goldfinger, Fatboy Slim, Beatles and the Offspring than one man can rip in any small amount of time. Likewise, she has multiple KROQ compilations, which I don't even have time for. She's coming by in the morning to pick up her CDs, which means I only have a few mores hours. Ripping this much music should be a crime.

Parking Lot God!

2001-12-30 3:07 AM

I am a Parking Lot god! Yes, that's right, it's official, I have cleared every parking lot game, and it only took about four hours (spread out over the last eight days). I'm thinking of generating a list of "fuckables", ala Angie, only the title of the list would not be a misnomer. Ever since my last post got such a large response (more than a few IMs), I realize that the truth can really stir things up, especially if it's dirty. Likewise, if someone on the list thinks I'm fuckable, god forbid, maybe we can start something up. I leave you with some photos from the debauchery a few nights ago: Baby Jesus and a very friendly snail Booty from mission 2 Grabbing the Virgin Mary's ass Mush Angie praying that the team won't get caught by the fuzz That's the kid, officer, I want him arrested. These pictures may not be used as evidence in a court of law.

What I'm Allowed to Think About

2001-12-30 1:47 AM

I'm trying really hard to not think about Angie naked. God damn, this is hard. No, wait, I know what I'll do. I'll think about Annie naked. Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. Ooooh, I can think about Peggy naked, too. Even better, I can think about them both naked together. Aw, crap, I need to take a cold shower.

Go See Black Hawk Down...

2001-12-28 11:18 PM

...unless you can't stand the sight of blood, or don't like war movies. The Changs and company and I went to see it on the opening day in Santa Monica tonight, and they had to spill over into the next theatre because so many people wanted to see it. It's one of the best war movies I've ever seen. Likewise, I bought Flatterland at the bookstore across the street from the theater. So far, it's not as good as it's predecessor, Flatland.

Bleh

2001-12-28 5:50 AM

Had a chance to go a hoodlum-ing, and didn't. Lost two of three chess games (learned a valuable lesson, both times). Have to see Black Hawk Down in nine hours. I'm sorry, Rickey, I'm not excited, I want to sleep. This is why I never like to make any commitment to anything more than one day in advance, because I always end up wanting to sleep, instead. No hard feelings, Rick, I do want to chill with you, but I'm fscking tired. On the brighter side, the gang from La Palma grows more charming with every visit. Dave is a master at the art of conversation; Angie is cute when she's sleeping; Annie, with her quiet curiosity; and Peggy, who, aside from all the things above, is just hot. You're not fat, Peggy. Damn, I wish I could visit La Palma, and I wish I knew the things I know now when I was younger.

The Real Gift Checkin

2001-12-27 3:20 AM

Nothing crappy this year, which is great, because crappy gifts are just wasteful. The big ticket items are Nomad Jukebox, new chess set, new Vans, and a beautiful math handbook. The Jukebox holds an uncanny six gigs of music and is portable. The greatest part is that it makes the same sounds your computer makes when it's first booting up (after POST, of course). That is, you can actually hear the hard drive spinning around inside. Also, you can trick it into storing other stuff simply by changing file extensions to .MP3. The vans were a gift from my parents, I think they're hinting that I should were shoes more often in Berkeley (and at home). I probably will end up wearing them for most of the winter, unless the sidewalks clear up. So far, I've only been defeated once on the chessboard, and it should stay that way unless I play Kirk, or Gary Kasparov, or someone else who'll kick the shit out of me. Also, my Blockbuster gift cards now total $40, so I'll be anybody's movie bitch who wants to feed me. Hate materialism? Fuck you! Oh, yeah, Happy Boxing Day.

Loney Josh

2001-12-26 5:11 AM

Josh is sad because he only has one girlfriend, not including the reindeer:

Gift Checkin

2001-12-26 4:01 AM

guest author for the day: jazlink we spent the evening editing paige's 20+ aim accounts. squeezableyogurt. damn her. with things in the range of chicksuckdic69. i think we had full right to be dicks like that. we're contemplating tipping shopping carts before the sun comes up, but who knows. also, we're discussing angie's expected arrival home and how to lure her out of la palma. damned la palma. they opened presents which why, i assume, cody named this 'gift checkin'. slang should never be used in order to appear cool (checkin*)--rather it's used in order to express lazinss on behalf of the author in the sense that he or she doesn't feel like rethinking things in order to put full words in the piece. let's go break stuff. legally. and a warning: all light-up reindeer left up past new years are getting rearranged into light-up reindeer orgies. participate and help start a tradition.

A Whore for Money

2001-12-25 11:35 PM

Cody: [finds a Tums tablet under the couch] "Will anyone give me a dollar to put this in my mouth?" Josh: "Twenty-five cents!" Cody: "No, I need a buck..." Heather: "How about I spit on it first?" Josh: "That's worth a buck." So I held out my hand, she spit the Tums, I put it in my mouth, spit it out immediately, and Josh gave me a buck. I'm a whore for money. At least I'm not a whore for cheesesticks, Brent.

Happy Christmas

2001-12-25 1:58 AM

Well, even though my parents were already asleep and my friends had already gone home, I celebrated Christmas in style. That is, of course, I completed the first half of my Parking Lot marathon (games 1 - 100). I'm trying to beat all 200 games, and catalog the most difficult ones. Similar attemts have been made on larger games, like Freecell. However, all 200 games of Parking Lot only take a few days, whereas all 32000 games of Freecell would take forever, because at least one level, 11982, is impossible. This whole pursuit is very geeky, I know, but what would you do with your free time if you couldn't get laid?

I Swear to God, I do have Friends

2001-12-24 9:30 PM

The number of visitors since I've been hope is quickly approaching the number during finals, in Berkeley. Here's the rundown for HB, and their reason for leaving: Rickey - Don't make me hustle you again. Ryan - Don't hustle me again, please. Josh - Leah's tired Leah - I'm tired Brandon - We've been watching this documentary on ferns for two hours! Lulu - I'm off to pimp some people in DECA. Compare this to the list of visitors in Berkeley, and why they stopped by: Angie - Can I use your computer? Elise - Hey, can I use your computer? Paul - 1) Cody-brah, can I use your computer? 2) Let's drink! Marilyn and company - Just dropping by. Adrienne - I brough cookies! [Cody and Pradeep drop to their knees] Annie - [silently rearranging magnetic poetry] Brent - You stopped me on the street, I was jogging. Pradeep - Dude, I live here; stop trying to take my key away.

Boourns says: _______

2001-12-23 11:47 AM

by: Brandon Burns Exactly, and you'd say that too my friends... you would. Life cannot be explained readily for most folks. Red Beans and Cabbage could seem like a perfectly innocuous term for most but the complex mysteries of the universe are interlinked with both things, mark my words... Some would say that working repetitive 8 hour shifts at Toys R Us is effecting my relative sanity... ah, but no matter. Cody awoke today at 5 pm... surely some of you are scratching your heads in wonderment... But to his defence he stayed up until 9 am waiting for his homebound flight. And now, ensconced in the chair next to me the young Smith and I revel at past-times with fleeting rememberances of days gone past... Nah, that's bullshit. We're just chillin'. A word to you all. Enjoy your infrequently enjoyed (or despised) family and friends. Time's a bitch and then you die. Don't let the bitch catch you unawares... she might ask you to pay for that special favor you got the other night... but then again, that's another story.

Layers, my Friend, Layers

2001-12-22 2:35 AM

While I don't consider myself obese, I'm wearing several layers of clothes to the airport to save baggage space. Likewise, I didn't really take the time to select clean clothes--just those that take up the most space in my bags. I hope the shuttle-driver doesn't think I'm too stinky.

So Fresh and So Clean

2001-12-22 2:15 AM

I just the most thorough shower I've taken in years, I really got every crevase. Likewise, I actually followed the complete directions on the bottle of shampoo: lather, rinse, repeat. Likewise, I used two different kinds of soap; sorry, Pradeep. If I were McCaully Calkin, this is the part where I would put on aftershave, scream loudly, and then go buy a toothbrush.

Rub My Tummy and I'll Bring you Bad Luck

2001-12-20 8:58 PM

Jen: "Can you stay in Berkeley for an extra few days so we can work on this project?" Cody: "Sure thing." So here I am, in Berkeley. Finals ended on Tuesday night, I did almost nothing on Wednesday, and almost nothing today, thanks to two large project failures: App Servers - destination hard drives are too small, and we can't fit everything on them, so the project makes no progress, whatsoever. New HDs for Hal - new drives have the wrong number of pins, so we're sending them back for new ones. So I've cursed every project since finals ended. Maybe I used up all my luck on finals. Additionally, I've been walking around in my apartment mostly naked since Pradeep left on Tuesday morning, which is not a pretty sight at all, so don't even use your imagination. One thing I've noticed: you get hit in the nuts a lot more when walking around naked. It's not that the pants would save me, directly, because even my lucky pants can't deflect the dining room table. As I've said before, I'll be back in HB on Saturday morning, 7am. My winter break activities should include: fixing things at my folks' house, eating more than I should, and trying to stay just barely within the law, besides drinking.

Bums Say the Darndest Things

2001-12-18 7:16 PM

On my way back from my CS61C final, I passed a bum trying to hand out EID flyers, when some lady didn't take a flyer: Bum: "Hey, girl, how about this? You can spit in my face for fifty cents." Girl: [looks shocked] Bum: "Alright, happy holidays, then."