Cody's Bitch 3

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Ah yes, it IS a good day! Cody is dead! I killed him, I finally killed him! Yee-hee y-ha! Im going back to Ireland! Yee-hee! Ah yes, you're probably wondering how i killed the sick bastard named Cody. After cody had finished posting the next entry of the anonymous monolouge as he calls it, I knocked him out with his own three-week old socks..the stench was so horrific the whole apartment was filled with the smell of Cody...dirty cody! So, I brought him on a plane to Ireland...and like i said i'd would make him serve guinness all day! And that i did, now all of my leprechaun friends are GAY, so i made cody serve the guiness naked. Oh yeah, i made him shave his pubes.

Of course my leprechaun friends were extremely arroused and started to hump his face....repeatedly. 3 leprechauns were on his face, and eventually cody sufficated. now, lets go poor some leprechaun piss and poo on his corpse! YEAH!! it is a good day! Sweet leprechaun lovin'.

Cody's Bitch 2

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Yee-hee, y-ho, yee-hee, y-ho! Its me, Codys Bitch! It seems that he has taken the liberty of posting the anonymous submission, what a cruel person. What could've drawn him to do this, it must've been that Paul.. Paul, with his porn, Paul with mind control of Cody! Cody hasn't fed me yet. Last i ate was his plaque. It wasn't very pleasant, i had violent diahrrea after that. It hurt much. Cody got mad at me when he had to clean it up. For punishment he made me sit out in the rain...naked.

if only we were in Ireland...ahh yes, he would be the leprechaun's bitch. I'd make him serve Guiness all day..and ill feed him my poo. Ill beat him with a baseball bat. Im still Codys bitch, yes, but i injured him. I embedded small rocks into his head. Now his brain is the size of a crayon. He is SICK. Since his brain is the size of a crayon, he made me clean his ear..with my finger. My finger is small, it took me forever. Ill hurt him for it. The leprechaun's anguish will not be unpunished!

Cody's Bitch

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Hey there, I'm Cody's bitch. Yes, it's true, I AM Cody's bitch. I can be your bitch too, only if you want me to. Cody makes me do nasty things, like lick his toes. I also clean his toe fungus, it's pretty nasty. Did you know I'm a leprechaun? Yes, yes i am. I'm small and Irish.

I don't understand my self, but it's pretty funny to hear me speak! Cody makes me massage his tounge when hes wasted. Angie wants me to be her bitch, but I'm taken. I love Cody. Greg's cool too, and so are Cody's Friends. I haven't had a bite to eat since last week. Cody is cruel, he is very cruel. I hate him on the inside, but I love him on the outside. I want to kill him.

Cody likes me, a lot. One time at Band Camp Cody made me stick a flute up my ass! I lie to you not, he even filmed it. Hes a sick bastard, i tell you, sick! I'm going to kill him, when hes least expecting it...Buhahahaha. Cody doesn't like leprechauns, thats why i bruises in my back from the whipping. He uses three strands from his shoelace to whip me. It hurts. One day I'm going to whip him with my poo, then eat his toenails. It will hurt much, but he deserves it. Hes been cruel to me.

I officially hate him. Codys a bitch, I'll make him my bitch one day though. it will be a good day.

Fuck the Handicapped

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the word "handicapped" in itself has so many social stigmas attached. people see the handicapped as being less fortunate than your average schmoe. being that they have less fortune than the beloved schmoe they deserve a little help here and there.

who came up with the idea that we should comform to their needs? every building should be handicap accessible? there are many more buildings than handicapped individuals. they ought to take care of their own needs.

just because i am emotionally unstable does that mean that every public institution should have a hug booth for me and people like me. no, dammit. no. i should pay for my own personal hugger to follow me wherever i go.

we have so many engineers in this fine nation, i'd think one could come up with wheelchair that has step-climbing abilities, like the dolly in hannibal. i'm so sure it's a feasible idea, i'd bet it's already out there. so for the four million special wheel chairs we make, we can have one hundred and fifty million building with as many damned steps as we like.

also, why are most people afraid of the handicap stalls in restrooms? should a handicapped person have more of a right to use the can than an able individual? no, dammit. no. if you have the choice between a normal stall and the handicapped one that is far cleaner and larger, use the handicapped stall! i'm sure everyone has a one handicap or another. worst case scenario: the guy in the wheelchair waits a minute, just like everyone has to normally.

next: why is one handicap considered so much worse than others? some people are more gifted than others. a gifted, wheelchair-bound man is at an advantage to a dumb-as-bricks able-bodied individual. i think mental handicaps should get more sympathy than physical handicaps. i'd rather know i can't walk than not know i am walking.

so next time you think about helping out someone in a wheelchair, just think about how they waste your tax money. kick over the whiney cripple and yell, "FUCK THE HANDICAPPED!"

Frat Life

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On being a frat boy.

I called my friend Christine today and something she said made me pause (in the middle of the street no less) and think. She called me a "Frat Boy." I said, "Uh Christine, last time I checked I was still a girl." She said, "But you've so turned into a fraternity boy; you even have the mentality."

Now I don't claim to be an expert on the subject, but after a short stint in Acacia moonlighting as a "frat boy," I think I'm well enough armed to offer this short quip on "fraternity life."

We begin the day.

1:30pm. Wake up. First thing on the mind is breakfast which is usually a peanut butter sandwich (thank you Cody) or dry bran flakes (hey, they're inexpensive at least). After consumption, it's off to wander down the hall in search of someone else who doesn't have obligations like school or work. Target is usually acquired in another brother or a boarder. Next thing on the mind is what to do to keep busy until everyone else gets back. Filler activities range from playing foosball to swimming or watching TV. Once more people get back to the house, the second phase of the day begins.

We begin the evening.

Once again we begin with food. Dinner is usually a social event up on the roofdeck. Often there is a grill going with a couple of steaks, chicken pieces and corn cobs smoking above the glowing coal pieces. Games like dominoes or card games keep people busy until the food is done. After dinner there is usually "Chill Time" where people can talk about the day or whatever else plagues the mind at the moment. If there is a quality TV show on (i.e. The Simpsons or RAW) it will be watched. After that we enter the third phase of the day.

We begin the night.

Now that the sun has gone down, it's time to go out. It is rare that all in the house go out together; many choose to remain behind while others opt to go out with their friends. For those left, a bar called Kips is often the final destination. After getting adequately smashed, the group staggers back to the house to drink more and smoke on the roof deck where we are reunited with the rest of the people who elected to go elsewhere to get drunk. After slurred attempts at conversation, it's time to sleep off the effects of imbibed and inhaled substances. 3am finds us back at the beginning... in bed.

Fraternity life for me has been a simple way of living and a simpler way of thinking.

The Stone Cold Steve Austin

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Oh, Hell Yes!

I, Cody, am a biotch!!!

However, I'm not a total loser, I feel stomachs in my spare time! I like macaroni and cheese, long walks on the beach, and Paul's porn.

Generally, I like tall redheads... and well, anything with a hole and a heartbeat. If I'm drunk, I often get the balls to tell hot girls that they are "fucking gorgeous."

Andy says I fart in my sleep. I believe him.

I smell like butt. In fact, I REALLY stink. That's probably because I eat a diet consisting solely of salads with ranch, garlic bread, and vanilla soft serve.

On this fuckin' cool guy I know named Kirk's birthday, I showed why the three wise men is really for retards. I also proved that cheese nips and alcohol DO NOT MIX!!! For all you amateurs out there, don't try that at home.

As a consideration for the kids working in sweatshops in southeastern Asia, I don't like to wear shoes. I think that Lily, the goofy girl down the hall should forgo wearing clothes altogether to help fight for this cause. Amen. In fact, I that all women in humanitarians groups who can pass the "pencil test" should also join this fight against inhumane treatment in the workplace.

I also think that Paul is one sexy bitch.

I also like laser pens a little too much.

This fact brings me to Pradeep. He likes laser pens way too much, also. If I had a laser pen, I would point it at girls all day long just to see them squirm.

I like squirming. It makes me feel good inside. It feels almost as good as having a spear thrust through my eyebrow. What is Lily thinking? OF COURSE IT WILL HURT!

I would take 50 to 1 bets that she will actually get her eyebrow pierced. In other words, she will wimp out.

Are you joking...? This is the person who is so strong in her convictions that she will protest a company on the basis that someone who heard from someone else who heard from a Gap employee's dog in law that someone halfway across the world is getting maimed by a violent fleece pullover while his hands were caught in a machine. I forgot, he was getting paid less than a living wage, too.

In contrast, I know this other girl, who is all over my roommate like butter on toast, that also wanted to get a piercing. The difference is, although she was freaked out about getting it, she had the gumption to just do it!!! I commend her... and my roomate should jump her bones if he had any sense in his head.

I'm kind of a puss, so I'm not going to read that part out loud.

Did I mention that I don't wear SHOES?! How weird is that? Oh, well, I like rocks that become embedded in my foot and become unrecoverable by any surgical means.

A doctor once told me that I was going to have to be shot... so I got my booster shot and I was out the door. Granted, I whimpered like a little baby, but I never got "the shits" again.

And then, this one time at band camp, I forgot to wear shoes... and everyone else forgot too... and the director couldn't figure out what was going on... and it was SOOOOOO FUNNY! I peed my trousers. I have trousers for all occasions. My most specialist trousers are for parties. Hence, they are the proverbial "party pants." I told my friend Brent about the new fad of "party pants" so he went out and got "dumbass pants" instead. I mentioned to him that I could see his wang through his pants. You know what he said? He said that I "could not blame the wang." But remember that badass guy named Kirk, he blamed wang. He blamed the wang for making Brent look like a guy with his wang showing... also known as either oblivious, dumb, or both.

Did I mention my RA? His name is Gay Johnny. No, really. It is. He likes to go onto AOL IM sometimes as a girl and try to get guys to cyber with him. No joke. I think you have to be either incredibly drunk, or incredibly gay to do that. Regardless, Johnny is cool... unless we have to consult the graph.

Now that I've lost all interest in life, I'm going to go to bed... and wallow in self pity.

Safety.